This topic contains 0 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by mxyzh October 13, 2019 at 9:24 pm.
October 13, 2019 at 9:24 pm #2121
Hello to anyone who wants to listen.
I have been married for 8 years, together 10, one child. My husband has suffered from depression the entirety of the time I have known him, and I am convinced there is something more he needs to process/understand. He has been deeply damaging emotionally, and come very close to being physically dangerous, to the point that I have enough evidence to convict him of domestic abuse. I choose to do everything I can to help him before giving up, so for now we are still married, I am in counseling for my trauma, and am doing okay with recovering. The issue I face is an inability to find ways that help me enforce healthy boundaries without completely pushing him off the edge. Anytime I have a problem to address, it doesn’t matter how I bring it up, he sees me as controlling and hateful. So when I mention, “I understand you felt you had to go to another state last night to get away, and I don’t have a problem with you making that choice, but I would really appreciate knowing when you make the decision to do something like that. I would like to get a text next time that lets me know that you are leaving and when you may be home. It really hurt me that you left without telling me, that they last thing you said was why are you married to someone like me.” He sees that as me being a manipulative b**** that just wants to control his whereabouts. He says I am “incapable” of being understanding, “too dumb to understand.” I tell him I will not be yelled at with names and am walking away. He chases me in the house yelling some more about how I again am refusing to Listen. “What do you want?!” He yells, I say “I want you to stop talking to me like I’m stupid and I want you to stop yelling and calling me names.” He says “okay,” let’s me say one thing, then continues to tell me that what I was hurt by never actually happened, my truth is completely outrageous and I “make it out to be worse than it really was every time.” I tell him he’s gaslighting and I will not believe the drunk person’s take on the scenario but own understanding. And again and again I walk away when boundaries are crossed, he gets even madder when I walk away, and then won’t even speak to me after that. Then a few days later he apologizes and things are okay for a bit, and the cycle repeats. I know I’m stuck, I know I need to draw boundaries for myself… I’m just horribly scared that the only boundary I have left to enforce is “I will not continue to let someone in my life that continually harms me in these ways and refused to apologize, make amends, or take accountability for it.
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